just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize