I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
