I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
