I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the day after is always just damage control
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Terrible idea I love it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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