I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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