are you still at the devil's house?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
