if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
