remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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