Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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