I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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