true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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