Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
