im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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