Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
