By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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