your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
