batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
where are my pants?
in the oven.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
