Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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