I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
