Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
