i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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