u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize