I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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