We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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