now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
