I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
