his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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