paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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