You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
