I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
