she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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