I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
