I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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