pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
