Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
