I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
accomplished twins. life is a go
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
