Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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