I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A+ Viking dick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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