my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I believe in your delicious
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