I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
