I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
