Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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