Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
