At least make sure they are 18
Why
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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