Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were destined to go to rehab together
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize