Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
