woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
