he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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