4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
