Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize