Betty ford says i'm here all night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
