my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
