Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
