I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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