Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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