Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
