you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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