there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
