My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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