i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
