you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
