hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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