dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
