5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
