I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
