This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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