His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize