Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She needs sedatives and a leash
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
