I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
