sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fill condoms, not promises.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
