dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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