What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
