I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
