My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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