There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize