I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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