ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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