so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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