peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
