She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
