you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
