she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize