He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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