I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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