Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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