omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
