i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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