i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
