I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
