so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
