I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
