Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
