I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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