Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
