why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
