i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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