my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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